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My Old Name

by Justin Lawson

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1.
Burned black valley I remember you well As a turn I didn't mean to take Your scorched black soil some shade of hell The fire left in its wake Anna your hair was as black as that place Your love as quiet and as large Always held my hand like you were going away In your head already far Are you getting tired Tired of being tied To things you already know Is it time to go Darling you're a fire on an open plane Got to move on just to burn again Maybe you'll find I'm not the only one You come to know when it's been too long I walked through that valley 'til the sun went down A place it seemed that I could be alone And high on the hill warm winds from the plane Shook trees the fire didn't burn Anna it's been a year since you left this place The signs of you linger on I wake in your shadow at the dawn of each day A place I've found it's good to be alone Aren't you getting tired Tired of running wild Never coming home Never staying long Darling you're a fire on an open plane Got to move on just to burn again Maybe you'll find I'm not the only one You come to know when it's been too long Maybe you're a fire on an open plane Got to move on just to burn again Maybe you'll find I'm not the only one You come to love when it's been too long
2.
The Clearing 04:50
Well it seems I just can't get it right Every turn that I take Suppose I just can't go back now With the bridges I burned There's a mountain here for those who wait Endless trees for the rest From a distance you can know this place But in it you're adrift The forest crowds in and steals the light And the shadows play in your tired gaze And the branches bite You can tell when no one knows you're gone There's a certainty at night And hear the clearings the bend beyond Something moaning in them Well I hope I meet the beast some time The one I know walks by my side Stays with me as a shadow would Keeping stride The forest crowds in and steals the light And a deep deep wound cut by the moon Stares in the night The stars they come down, lay by my side I'm a glittering fool or a hidden jewel Or a man on fire Well it seems I just won't sleep tonight All the dreams I have are old Dreamt of a mountain, I dreamt of a monster Dreamed I'd burned The forest crowds in and steals the light And a deep deep wound cut by the moon Stares in the night The stars they come down, lay by my side I'm a glittering fool, just a false jewel Another man on fire
3.
A Stranger 03:50
You're voiceless in a crowd Try to speak but all that comes out Words you did not mean to say Some things that people say Looking for a friend with a golden heart Who can keep you whole when shit's falling apart Would take a blind turn when it's getting dark Just to get you home You go out for a walk To clear your head of messy thoughts Soon you find there's nothing left Just some dark street and your own breath Is it good enough When you don't know who you are Is it good enough When you don't know who you are Settled into someone's bones Payed their dues and kept their home Now you wake in a cold sweat There's a stranger in your own bed Is it good enough When you don't ask who you are Is it good enough When you don't ask who you are Find yourself a friend with a plastic heart Who will say it's ok when shit's falling apart Take a blind turn when it's getting dark Leave you on your own Is it good enough When your friends say who you are Is it good enough When your friends say who you are
4.
Love I Saw you on the street on the far side Caught you on a warm day in fall Hanging up your silence on walls Whistling in library halls A song I don't know Love I Awoke to the sound of your goodbye Smoothed out your indent in bed Drank the red wine you had left Took back the books you had read Love I Heard you're passing through on the night line Saw another wearing your dress Took a try at lingering less In hollows that your body had blessed I wandered out while you wandered in I wore the sweater that you made me so thin It didn't keep me warm on that day in fall When I never answered and you never called Love I Saw you on the street on the far side Caught you on a warm day in fall Hanging up our silence on walls Whistling a song that I've heard So many times before
5.
Manzanita 03:52
Better to be gone than to be far Under your skin instead of a scar Letter that I never should have wrote Found you in a town without post Summer that I should have run away You showed me on maps where we were staying At night on gravel roads the warmest winds Lifted your hair into a dance It settled in like stones dear I never wanted anyone but you Manzanita fires burned Lines through the forest where I first met you Fell asleep in dead grass by the road Clouds shaped like lungs kept me cold Inside you're in love with someone old I should have known from long ago It settled in like stones dear I never could have anyone like you Manzanita fires burned Lines through the forest where I first met you Better to be gone than to be far In back of your mind instead of your car On a dark and getting darker road That bends through a forest we don't know It settled in like stones dear I never could have anyone like you Manzanita fires burned Lines through the forest where I first met you Lines through the forest where I first met you
6.
Under the alder where I slept that day Leave me a sign if you feel this way Drove like a bullet in the dead of night Felt my engine sing like a heart of gold Should have sure should've saved your place Knew you'd return then I turned away Fucked up in Denver late one night Felt my engine burn bright Yeah so I never called your home You think I knew you were there alone Well go on here's time we can sit and speak And all that you do is lean on me Honey you can't just let me go I sunk my roots in years ago Darling you can't just let me in Unless you've got me a second skin I'm glad I wake up sometimes alone And nothing reminds me of where I'm from Nobody leaves me signs in trees Or hides notes in glances that I can't read It's hard to drive faster when the roads are froze Everyone's after a hear of gold Hard to move faster than the hands you feed But now everyone's back there in the dust of me Honey you can't just let me go I sunk my roots in years ago Darling you can't just let me in Unless you've got me a second skin X2
7.
I got sick of the drawn-out drive Start to think we'll never arrive Cannot end what you don't begin Been there and back and there again Been a while I don't know how long It's never me who answers the phone Some excuse for an old-time friend Who's gone then there then gone again Don't turn back again We're over that now X2 Dawn it breaks in a desert town Knock on my door but I'm not around Fell asleep by an old dead pine A drunken fool sunk deep in wine You recall how we lodged the car Deep in snow by the reservoir Miles away from the nearest town We wandered off were never found I stayed warm in snow But you you went far X2 Did you lock the door my friend I don't think so X2 I caught word that you found a tow Came back for me years ago You caught word that I found a town The car submerged beneath the ground Been a while I don't know just why It's never me who brings up the time We drove somewhere that's far away And kept some things that went to waste Don't turn back again We're over that now X2 Did you lock the door my friend I don't think so X2
8.
Full Kettle 03:50
Put a full kettle on 'cause my hands forget you're gone And the water takes too long 'cause I watch Head East for the day 'cause the sun it comes from that place But the clouds just role on with my wheels And the lights fade All at once you put me out And I don't know how to run Through it all All at once you put me out Of your life Went home for a spell And threw diamonds in the well Wish I didn't know so well What they cost Reach out in the night 'cause in dreams I don't lose the fight Or the fight is over some things We can change All at once you put me out And I don't know how to fall Through it all All at once you put me out Of your life Keep your socks in my drawer But I don't know what for Just seems better than the trash Or the floor Head west for the day 'cause the sun it goes down that way But the cities are keeping the gates And the lights fade Now I come to realize I was too afraid to fall In love Now I come to realize I was wrong
9.
My Old Name 03:58
Let us walk In the rising tide To the sound of waves On a summer's night I've been gone So long before But I swear I'm yours Now forever more Over the rising tide We'll take our Love out to brave the storm We'll open Both of our hearts so wide We'll break them Don't need luck I just need you tonight Take my hand There's no time to waste We can walk the coast If we never wait Were we young Or just there before All the other lovers Were washed to shore Over the rising tide We'll take our Love out to brave the storm We'll open Both of our hearts so wide We'll break them Don't need luck I just need you tonight And I want you to see That our love is not smaller than the sea And you should know It can't keep us if we go If we decide to go If we decide to go If we decide to go Then we'll go Lift your head To the salty breeze So your skin it glows Like the moon in the sea I would change Just to stay inside Of the warmth you gave To those summer nights Over the rising tide I hear your Voice calling my old name I'll keep a Part of you my whole life Inside me Don't need luck I just need you tonight Though I know We'll never swim again Though I know We'll never swim again

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released January 8, 2015

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Justin Lawson Seattle, Washington

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